A word about the universe.

The world sends you messages.

I am a religious person - a Christian and a Catholic - although I am also pretty much a fan of all forms of faith and spirituality. I believe we are all connected and that we are here on earth to help each other.

So whether you think of it as our loved ones on the other side sending us messages, or God Himself sending us messages, or just the world at large — I do believe we are sent signs and messages.

The night before surgery I was on social media trying to distract myself from my impending surgery and playing around with one of those goofy apps that a friend had posted. This one was supposed to tell you your bible verse for 2024. This is what it gave me.

I can argue that this verse is applicable in probably 75% of everything we do in life. But I also know that this is what I got a few hours before I had to go into the first surgery of my life -- and it was an open heart surgery that is pretty serious, and a surgery I was pretty darn afraid of.  And this made me feel better and made me feel like someone was letting me know it would be ok.

Then my husband was at Panda Express and got two fortune cookies and opened one of them for me. I always let him eat the actual cookie. This was the fortune for me.

I mean -- 

I have had so much proof in my life that the universe, or God, or my parents, or someone up there or out there is sending me messages of encouragement, that I know it is true.

Regardless -- these things bring me hope. And if there is one thing we can always use more of in life it is hope.

 

Surgical Incision

 **WARNING** I am sharing photos of my incision and scar for people who want to know that to expect. These are not great photos, and they are personally awkward to share. But I want to help people.

So please do not proceed unless you want to see surgery scars that are not fun to look at. 

But they also aren't really that bad. 

Scroll down to see.

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Stop now if you do not want to see a big incision scar.

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So what you see at the very top is a lump that you have after surgery that will go down over time. It does, and they tell you this. But it is weird when you see it. 

The top of the incision is where they tie-off the stitches with a "suture knot." More on this in a later post. They actually sew you up from the bottom to the top. 

Woman have to wear a bra 24/7 for a month or so because the weight of the breasts will pull on the incision. The incision itself is about 6" long for women. Below the incision you see 2 scabs - these are from where the drain tubes were removed. These scab up and are there for quite awhile. 

There are so many tubes and lines and monitor patches they put on you, that your skin takes quite a beating. The adhesive is also almost impossible to remove. What looks like gray glue on my skin is all of the adhesive.

Honestly, this was not as bad as I had thought it would be. I was far more aggravated by the dang surgical glue. After 4 showers it was still there. I finally got some adhesive removal wipes from the nurse at my follow up visit.  Ask for those before you leave the hospital - you will need them.

Men with body hair might have an even harder time with the adhesives. I am not sure.

Below is a picture after almost four months.

The incision is all healed but is still a bit red and raised. Based on what the nurse told me before surgery, it will take about a year or so for the scar to heal into a less visible state. 

This photo doesn't show the drain scars but they are all healed up as well. They were big scabs for a very long time.  But once they fell off it was all soft new skin underneath.

The top of this scar is where the suture knot was, and it is more raised than the rest of the scar. This is where the silicone scar tape should help me. But again, this will take time.

I will take more photos in the coming months so I can share how the scar progresses.

Good days and bad days.

42 days since my surgery (1.5 months)

I still have to sleep flat on my back, and still have to wear a bra 24/7 to protect my incision. I worry that it is not healing right and I can't believe there aren't more appointments for them to check on this. 

Today it suddenly hit me that I had open heart surgery and I was a bit panicked for a moment and started to cry.  I let myself have a little pity party for myself, and then tried to refocus myself on how far I have come and how well I am doing. 

I also hopped in to one of the AHA support groups and spent time making other people feel better by answering questions and helping give people answers.

When we feel bad or down or low -- the best thing to do is help someone else.

Works every time. 

Day 37 - Big Department Meeting & Company Party

I DID IT!

I hosted my big 3 hour department meeting and it was awesome! We had our annual company meeting and holiday party and it was awesome too!

I kept my energy up and was able to show up as the professional executive I am! My new company is amazing and I am so glad I am here and able to do this and show my leadership despite all of this surgery stuff!

I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO EVEN MORE!

Day 36 - Back in the office!

I have been back to work since January 2nd, but today was the first day I went into the office! 

I can't drive yet so Jim drove me, and it felt weird going into work without my hugging bear. I kept a big towel with me just in case I needed to cough!

But I can't have my teams seeing me at the office with a teddy bear. LOL!

I didn't really tell anyone about my surgery outside of my boss - a few others know I took the week before Christmas off for a 'medical procedure.' But I don't want everyone at my new job knowing about this. At least not yet. I don't want people to worry about me.

But it felt good to be in the office in person! My energy was good, and I was able to set up for my big department meeting tomorrow!

I am so proud of myself and how far I have come.

I said I would be back to work in 2 weeks - and I was.

I said I would be back in the office by today - and I was.

I said I would host my big meeting tomorrow - and I will.

I am going to keep getting stronger and I will emerge from all of this better than before!

Day 31

Well today I talked to the cardiac rehab people and there is a 2 month waiting list to get into the program. I told them i am supposed to be starting it in 2-3 weeks. I have an appointment for late March. 

I can opt for virtual cardiac rehab, but I really want to do this right. It has been one month and one day since surgery. 

I now weigh 25 pounds less than when I had surgery. I feel stronger but still want to get more fit and want stronger muscle strength. So I really want to get to the cardiac rehab program to get cleared for more exercise!

Day 29

The tape from the gauze bandages pulls on my skin all day and is really aggravating. I switched to Band-Aids tonight and I put a small Band-Aid over the top of my incision and went over each of the drain scabs. It was way less irritating. I really want everything to heal up and I’m hoping that that happens soon.

The pain is definitely way better, but I’m still constantly aware of my chest muscles in my chest. Some of it maybe the healing of the incision and I just don’t know it. Feeling is slowly coming back to my chest area as well. My energy levels seem to be improving too. 

Lastly, I took my very last oxy. I’ve only been taking them at night when I’m falling asleep. I don’t like the way they make my head feel so foggy and disoriented.  And my nightmares and dreams have been really odd. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

I took a shower tonight and I think I feel the most normal today - the bandaids might be helping.  I’m a little more fatigued today but still feel 'better.;

Day 23 - Suture Knot Issues

Today I woke up and I noticed that at the top of my incision it looked more red and was like it was bleeding. I took a picture and sent it to the NP at the surgeons' office. She got back to me told me that’s my suture knot. 

In addition to gluing the outside of my skin, they stitched up the inside from the bottom to the top and the suture knot at the top is where they tied it off. 

She said it may poke through the skin and keep bleeding from time to time, but that it looked OK.  I can put a piece of gauze or a bandage over it.

I could actually feel something sticking out when I was washing it in the shower, and I asked if it would dissolve and she said yes, but not for another few months.

This is the kind of thing I kind of wish I knew in advance. Because they told me I was glued shut. Nobody said anything about a suture knot. 

I’m guessing the suture knot is why there’s the lump at the top of the incision. I know they told me that that’s why they closed it off. I’m also wondering if as the swelling of the lump is going down, it’s somehow impacting the suture knot?

**WARNING** Gross photo of suture knot bleeding.

Do not scroll down if you do not want to see this photo. It is gross.

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You can see it is bleeding at the top, and there is a hard plastic piece I can feel there, too, 

Day 19 - Three Kings / Epiphany

Today is the Feast of the Three Kings. Epiphany!

I have a nagging cough, that’s irritating enough because I have to hold my cough bear against my chest when I cough. And the persistent tickle in my throat is awful. I’m using Kanthil and sugar free cough drops. But I’m also keeping a glass of water nearby. If I start to talk too much, I definitely start to cough. 

My back is much better today, I laid with a heating pad on my back for about an hour after I went to sleep last night. I put my compression socks on today and my left leg does feel pretty tight. But the socks don’t come all the way up to the incision and I’m hopeful that they help with the fluid. Cardiology NP told me it was OK to wear them as long as it doesn’t cover my leg incision.

I had a lot of nightmares again last night while I was sleeping, and I dozed off for about an hour nap this afternoon, and had weird nightmares and dreams as well.

I weigh the same as yesterday, which is still 20 pounds less than when I got home from the surgery. 

Day 18 - Cardiology appointment

Today I had an appointment with the cardiologist and I actually met with the nurse practitioner and not the doctor. This seems to be a trend these days.

I asked if I could wear compression socks because my legs are definitely swelling up when I’m sitting a lot during the day. She said OK. 

I am definitely feeling better, my chest is not as painful, but I am becoming more aware that my feeling is coming back. I do have very bad pain in my middle back on the left side. I tried some Biofreeze which helped for a bit, but then slept on a heating pad, and that seems to fix it. 

I am thinking it might be from doing too much or overexerting myself. I also asked the cardiologist to do a hemoglobin test and a hemoglobin is 8.7 which is up from when I left the hospital but not by much. I told the doctor I’m going to go back to iron twice a day and I’m also making an appointment with the hematologist.

I can't afford to get fatigued from the anemia while I'm trying to heal from the CABG!

So this was my second day in a row out of the house and walking longer distances to the doctor's office, Which is right across the elevator lobby from the surgeon's office I went to yesterday. Felt good to walk but it is tiring. 

Day 17 - Follow up with surgeons

Today was my first trip out of the house. It's winter in Chicago, and I was praying it would not be icy or slick. I carried my bear with me and my husband dropped me off in front of the doctor's office and parked the car. I felt really good being able to walk inside and go the longer distance to the doctor's office. 

I did feel a little tired by the time I got there. But it felt good.

The nurse practitioner saw me. I guess I don't see the actual doctor anymore. She checked the incisions and said they looked great. But she saw a piece of suture left in one of the drain wounds and pulled that out with tweezers. Gross. 

She said it will take a couple of months but it looked good and was healing up. 

I don't need to come back and see the surgical team anymore, but she said to reach out with any questions.

I went home in time to take an afternoon meeting for work! And then I took a nap. 

Day 16 - Back to work yesterday!

Back to work!

I started back to work yesterday and it feels great to be working. I felt pretty good all day but was a little tired toward the late afternoon.  But it gives me something to do other than watch TV. 

I think I’m sitting a little bit too long at the table though, so I’m taking a break and putting my feet up in the recliner for a few minutes. 

I see the doctor tomorrow and I was worried a little bit about some leakage in my incision yesterday. I left it open to the air and it seemed to dry up. We’ll find out more tomorrow when we see the doctor.

Physical therapy!

The physical therapist came by yesterday - he was a nice guy. It was basically about a 15 minute session and he had me do leg lifts in my chair and stand, walk etc. He also checked my incisions and took my vitals. He told me breathing is very important and to make sure I am using my spirometer. 

I told him my shoulders were a little sore and he taught me how to breathe in deeply. He had me put my hands lightly over my chest and when I breathed in he had me let my hands slowly separate, and then come back together as I breathe out. He had me do that ten times. He wants me to take full breaths in, and not shallow ones. 

He also told to me to walk as much as I can, and to limit the stairs to a couple of times a day.